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 It's finally happened. Dad has gone completley mad. He received a letter from Aussie Home Loans inviting him to apply for a new credit card. Dad wasn't too keen on this because they sent it to his old address and he had never spoken to them before. Click on the "Read more.." link below to read the email Dad sent to Aussie Home Loans. It's quite funny.
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Remove me from your mailing list
Date: Fri, 25 Nov 2005 13:06:26 +1100
From: Phill
To:
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Dear sir,
I recently received a copy of your Aussie credit card mailout.
I really don't want a new credit card.
Some time ago I was walking in Afghanistan (as you do) when a freedom fighter burst through the trees and shot me with a rather large rifle. Luckily for me the bullet was deflected by my credit card and I survived. A passing peasant saw this and was amazed. Convinced that I was some sort of God he took me in and gave me food and water. Word soon spread and I became somewhat of a legend.
Unfortunately I abused my new God like powers and started to request ridiculous things from the local peasants like pickled walnuts and Boags Premium. One night whilst I was asleep they discovered the credit card and the gig was up. I was severely beaten and bundled out of town on the back of a mangy donkey. The donkey and I traveled for many miles. After a few weeks I became desperate for food so I slaughtered the donkey on the side of the road. This act of survival was seen by a wandering Eskimo. I noticed the Eskimo as he disappeared around a nearby icy headland and believing that he may be able to help me I followed.
After some time the Eskimo entered a small village and walked into the larger of the three igloo's I could see. I stopped and listened and could quite clearly hear the Eskimo explaining what he had seen to the others in the igloo. The voices became raised and sounded rather agitated. Fearing for my life I attempted to creep silently away but tripped over a nearby walrus and the gig was up. I was captured and thrown into the smaller of the three igloos.I was very surprised to discover that I was not alone. Sitting on the only piece of furniture in the smallest igloo was a man who I thought looked vaguely familiar. The man looked at me in the same way and I came to the realisation that he had also recognised me. At the same instant in time it came to both of us. This was the Afghan freedom fighter that had shot at me some time ago. Apparently the peasants had captured him and handed him to the Eskimos as pay back for daring to shoot at their new found God.
Incensed to be in the same igloo as the person that had caused his downfall the Afghan freedom fighter came at me. A violent struggle ensued. The snow on the base of the igloo was flying. Clothes were torn. Blood was shed. In desperation I searched the igloo for a weapon but all I found was my old credit card. Knowing that my credit card had saved my life once before I brandished it like a scimitar and lashed out at the freedom fighter. A vital blood vessel was severed and the freedom fighter slumped to the ground.
Exhausted I lay in the snow on the bottom of the smallest igloo in my tattered and torn clothes surrounded by pools of blood. A few minutes later I passed out. When I came to I discovered that I was back at home and it had all been a bad dream. I pulled out my old credit card and to my amazement I could clearly see a graze mark that looked uncannily like a bullet and one corner appeared to be covered in dry congealed blood.My old credit card is no longer. I couldn't risk another adventure like the last so I threw it into the nearest firey mountain.
Please do not harass me with offers of a new credit card as I am now too old and tired to cope with any more of this sort of thing.
Regards, Phill Groom.
P.S. Could you please remove me from your mailing list. If you don't then I may be tempted to have a word with a certain peasant that I happen to know.
P.P.S. I never did find out what was inside the middle igloo. Perhaps it was the missing Hobart office of Aussie Home Loans?
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